Getting to Pai D21-22

After our hike we had sent our laundry to the wash and fold gals. They couldn't promise that our clothes would be ready by the following morning, so we had to stay one more night in Chiang Mai. Unfortunately Beno and Laura had to leave as they already made plans to catch a flight in a few days. 

The Diva Guesthouse was full so we walked up and down our block trying to find accomodation. We landed right next door at the Same Same Guesthouse and paid $14 for the night.

Same Same is reffering to a saying that the people in Southeast Asia have: "Same Same, But Different." It has a few meanings but the most obvious application is that everything in SE Asia is relatively similiar with a little bit of difference here and there. The food, the markets, the accomodation.... same same. It also refers to the sentiment that everything we have/do in Western cultures SE Asia has/does too, just a bit differently. 

Well the Same Same Guesthouse was not same same as everywhere else. We blew it.

Remember how I said we would do our homework before paying for anything again? Crap. As soon as we pay we look up the reviews and then read them all as our punishment. It boils down to this: rude mamangement, terrible restaurant and disgustingly dirty rooms.

We got a room that had a double and a single bed in it. The ground was not swept, they don't provide toilet paper and there is an ungodly amount of spittle on the bathroom mirror. There are bugs flying around and then OH MY GOD the sheets. It looked like the last occupants were murdered by way of cheese grater. So much blood. 

Yikes! Only one night, though, and we're not princesses. Luckily we are prepared with our sleep sacks (silk sleeping bags, to protect us from the occasional Nightmare Linens). 

The rest of the day we avoid our room and arrange travel plans. We had originally wanted to motorbike up to Pai but Ian started to get nervous after looking into it. It's a three-hour drive with over 700 switchbacks- kind of scary for novice motorbikers. Everyone online says it's one of the best and most terrifying experiences from their trip. Ian worries that I might not be ready, so we decided we will take a bus up to Pai and motorbike home, thus cutting the chance for incident in half. I have Jeab set us up with the 11AM minibus.

We don't sleep great that night because of our gnarly hotel. We get up and pack a light bag and leave most of our things at Diva. We're only going to be in Pai a few days and Diva doesn't charge to hang on to bags.

It's 10:50AM when we get to Diva and wait for the minibus. It's 11:30AM and we're used to everyone being late. It's noon and I finally say something.

"OH NO! THEY FORGOT. SO SORRYYYYYYY"

They order us a tuk tuk and it comes at 12:30PM to take us to the bus station. I try to find anyone that can put us on a bus to Pai, and one lady tells us we have to wait a few hours to go on the next bus, because that one is leaving right now--

THAT ONE. GO!

We flag down that one with no help from the bus company. We tell the driver that they blew it and we were suppposed to be on the morning bus, so he lets us join. We are the last two to join, so Ian gets to sit shotgun and I sit in the bitch seat. It's a minivan, why do they say it's a minibus? Also, I was sitting on the vaguely upholstered top of the plastic console for three hours. My feet didn't touch the ground on either side and did I mention 700 SWITCHBACKS! 

Although I am absolutely uncomfortable and almost sitting too tall to see out the front window, I start to get really sleepy from the Dramamine. The driver is on his cellphone for the first 40 minutes of the ride and I think he's yakked out of his mind (on some uppers, moms). He's SO LOUD and talking SO FAST and giggling like a little kid. Once out of town the real hair-raising switchbacks start. From the back row a deep German-accented grumble erupts:

"PLEASE WILL YOU PUT DOWN YOUR HANDY-TALKING!!! THERE ARE TEN OF US!!! YOU NEED BOTH HANDS!!!"

... to which our driver says something like "ehhh... F this guy" to the person on the other end of the line, finishes his thought and hangs up with no urgency. He starts muttering stuff to himself in Thai, still giggling. So creepy. 

The ride goes on and our driver's phone rings about 15 more times. He always picks up and says some rendition of "F these guys". He sure doesn't mind texting while driving, either. I am battling the drowsiness of the Dramamine at this point and I realize if we're going down I can't save anybody. The German in the back row did his part by yelling hilariously so I help by looking at the driver every time he starts texting. He picks up on it.

Then came the singing.

Said driver is obviously bored and I think on a comedown of sorts. The last — and most topographically tumultuous — hour, he could not stop yawning. Did he take a Dramamine? He slowly started singing what sounded like a child's lullaby in Thai, very slow and whispering half of the words. You know, the kind of lullaby that hollow-eyed kids sing from behind a closet door in scary movies.

Anyway, at this point I fall asleep because I am utterly useless.We finally make it and no one is happier than the driver. He runs out of the minivan like he's on fire and we never see him again.

We rent motorbikes and head to our accomodation, Amy's Earth House. AEH got great reviews online (Ian checked!) and is composed of little adobe rooms that stay cool throughout the day. It's located near the Pai airport and about ten minutes away from "downtown" Pai. 

The girl running AEH didn't seem to know any English and we later realized that the owner, Amy, was on vacation. This caused a few bumps in our stay but overall the place was OK.

 View from the backyard:

We check in and realize we're starving so we head right back to town to get dinner. While waiting for our meals, I see that Beno has messaged me- they were still in Pai! Laura and Beno meet us for dinner it felt like we were with friends from home. 

We sleep well in our adobe abode. Time to explore Pai!

Chiang Mai, D20: 6.5-Hour Jungle Trek

I think we were still jet-lagged when we booked a private 6 to 7-hour hike in the jungle, but nevertheless we did.

We’re told to meet outside of our guesthouse at 7:30AM. I set the alarm at 7 and spend 7-7:30 telling myself I can do this; engagement is temporary and if I’m a little bitch on this hike I could be left in the jungle forever. Game face is on. 

We meet a lady outside who tells us “You go with driver to jungle to meet my brother. My brother Jungle Man!” 

Ok, awesome. “Jungle Man” is taking us hiking in the jungle.

An hour ride later we’re in a small village at the bottom of some rolling hills. This is our stop! We meet Jungle Man, who looks less like Mowgli and more like a twenty-year old ready for his day in the city. He has on long cargo pants and a sweater. It’s 8:45 and I’m wearing a sheer tank, athletic shorts and a sweat mustache.

Jungle Man’s name is Kam and to our surprise he’s 39, not 21! The jungle does a body good. His English is a little more limited than most of our guides so far, but he's good enough to converse. I asked how he had learned English in the jungle and he said he took classes and has been a tour guide for three years now. Ian asked if he liked being a tour guide to which he replied by laughing and saying NO in such a way that I was sure he understood the question. (We probably won’t start off other adventures asking the workers if they like their jobs... hard to bounce back from that.)

Right off the bat I ask Kam what kinds of animals and insects we’re going to be dealing with here. (I only had an inch-thick layer of SPF50 and citronella-mix on me, and I was more than willing to apply more.) He said that most of the animals are deeper in the jungle because it’s dry season. It’s unlikely we'd see any wild elephants or tigers this time of year. Not assured. Snakes? "Nothing poisonous... except maybe King Cobra."

Kam seemed a little reserved but warmed up throughout the trek. A few times it seemed like he was actually trying to ditch us, but Ian’s been almost ditching me on hikes since the summer of ’13; I was ready! 

We walked uphill in the jungle for three hours. We passed little villages about every 30 minutes. The villages would pop out of nowhere. Everyone knew Cam and spoke with him. They looked at us but weren’t very interested. Ian distinctly heard a woman call one of us a ladyboy, so we argued over who we thought she was talking about. (I was wearing a hat with my hair tucked under and Ian is just pretty. It’s a tossup.)

We passed by/underneath a few waterfalls on the way up:

 

We arrived at a village that hosted an elephant camp. Kam chopped up a watermelon and we had Pad Thai in banana leaves waiting for us. Ian bought his brother something from the local giftshop to support small business. It was lovely!

On our way out of the village Kam grabbed some bananas and fed a baby elephant. The elephant gave Ian a kiss on the face and on the shirt. 

 

Curious Elephant ~ Elephant Print on Ian's Shirt

This is really where Kam seemed to warm up. I think we were ahead of schedule so he started to show us cool things in the jungle. He picked fruits and had us try them. He pointed out ginormous spiders that he considered very small. He told us that in the jungle they grow or hunt everything they eat, and they trade with others. They drink from a small creek. They eat the BIG spiders. Big spiders? He points to a hole in the ground my fist could fit in, stuck a stick inside, but thank goodness the spider didn’t want to come out. I have enough nightmares, thank you!

 

The way back down from the jungle was not the same way up. This way seemed way less-travelled. There were leaves hitting me at all angles and I kept tripping on loose vines on the ground. We truly would have benefited from having a machete. This was the most difficult part for me, as traversing down became just a series of me falling and catching my balance right before doom. (Doom being sharp drop-offs and more spider holes.)

We walk across logs and jump down big rocks and make it to a waterfall. Kam tells us that we are only ten minutes away from the end of the hike. Time to celebrate! He told us we could swim in the water and I at first declined because it was butt-cold. Then Kam showed us that we could glide down the rock formations with the current to ride down the little waterfalls. I was sold!

Kam washed his hair in the water and we all dried off. Two ladies were weaving silk with looms. We’ve seen silk scarves at virtually every market in Thailand, so it was really cool to watch the process. We bought a blanket, table runner and scarf from them, and we didn’t negotiate because the ladies were real jungle people and we thought it was best that they benefit from the money. I think they enjoyed that transaction very much, because they then gave Ian and me private scarf-making lessons. We sucked and I am positive they had to redo the parts we worked on.

The last ten minutes of the hike is a very easy path- it looks like people come up this way to the waterfall often. There’s even a huge wooden bridge. We walk through some rice fields and Kam gives us high-fives. His buddy is waiting for us to drive back to Chiang Mai. We did it!

Chiang Mai, D19: Organic Cooking Class

The day came to turn two hos into housewives. Ian and I learned how to cook!

On Monday, Jeab from Diva arranged for us to take a cooking class at Sammy’s Organic Thai Cooking School. Sammy himself picks us up at 9AM. Because we were the last two students on his route, we got to sit up front in the cab of his songthaew. We notice right away he likes to crack jokes. He’s an older guy, probably in his 50s, and has a very soft voice. He laughs and says "Good, good" after everything which eases the awkward silences. It also reminds me of Beyonce's "Drunk in Love" so I'm pleased.

The first stop is the market. Sammy hands out a piece of paper with five categories: Soup, Appetizer, Curry, Main Dish and Dessert. Ian and I pick different things so we know how to make a variety of dishes. Sammy tells us he’s going to gather the ingredients so we have ten minutes to walk around the market and meet by the coconut machine.

"You listen to me and you can go home and start your own Thai Restaurant! Good, good!"

The market is very authentic. They have every part of all the animals. The vegetables are fragrant, as are the fish. Ian and I are walking around separately and this chick from our class strikes up a conversation with Ian. She’s from Colorado and she hits on Ian the whole class. Actually, it was competition between her and a woman in her 50’s who’s on a GIRLLLLSSS  TRIPPP. She notices Ian and she picked similar meals and says, “Hey we could go to dinner sometime,” all flirty and suggestive. 

We meet back at the coconut machine. Sammy shows us how coconuts are shredded and milked. He uses the machine and lets us all have a sample of the coconut shavings. 

Sammy then walks us to the next stall where there are many types of rice. I seriously did not know there were so many types of rice. The rice we were cooking with was jasmine and sticky rice. Sticky rice is something particularly available in the northern parts of Thailand where weather conditions are right for it.

Back in the songthaew, we drive another 20 minutes to Sammy's farm. His farm is 10 acres and has a lot of different crops growing, though his main production is rice.

Sammy has an outdoor cooking area that features a big long dinner table that runs parallel to a rectangle of stoves that each student gets to cook on. We sit at this long table and are handed our aprons. Sammy promises to show us the ingredients used today, followed by cooking, eating at 12:30, napping in hammocks then back to cooking and eating. Class will end around 3:30 and we will be home before 5PM. Sounds like the perfect date to me.

He takes us to his garden where he cuts some ingredients for us. He passes around samples of thai ginger, lemongrass, three different types of basil, etc., all of which was grown on his property.

Time to cook!

We go back to the long table and we get plates of herbs and spices that we are going to use in our chosen curries. Ian is making a green curry and I’m making yellow. We each get our own pestle and mortar. Inside is cumin. And we begin!

We chop everything up and add it to the mortar. There are a lot of ingredients to chop and you have to chop them finely because they are going to make a paste. Then we pestle. We pestle away and away and away. This is a laborious process. I told Ian we'll save curry-making for anniversaries. After working for about five minutes we get to see a beautiful, fragrant paste. 

The paste is transferred to a bowl and the bowl is taken to the stove. We both have a bowl of coconut milk on our stoves. We add our curry paste to the milk and set it to simmer. More ingredients to chop and add. Smells. So. Good. I Can’t. Stop. Taste. Testing. We finish and we pour it into a bowl. I’m salivating. We’re told to put a lid on it, now it’s time to make soup.

Ian's Pride and Joy

DAFUQ?

It’s only 11AM and we don’t eat until 12:30! NOOOOOOOOOO! 

I hold back tears and start making a soup. 

Seriously? We started with delicious coco-creamy curry and now I’m adding veggies to water? I forgot I get irritable when I’m hungry. Soup wasn’t so bad- didn’t take too long to cook at least, plus I could sneak a bite or two of curry while it boiled. We finish the soup, set it on a shelf under our stove and went on to cook our main dish.

Sammy's wife is leading the class at this point, and he walks around telling people "I can tell this isn't you first time cooking... maybe your second! Good, good."

I made chicken with cashews and Ian made chicken with chilis and holy basil. We use a wok and now I will be a spokesperson for a wok; I love it. It was magic. I chopped, added ingredients, and out came the perfect meal in five minutes.

Lunch time!

So between my dishes and Ian’s, we had made green curry, yellow curry, chicken and coconut soup, thai spicy soup, chicken with cashews and chicken with chilis and holy basil. We feast like kings. The yellow curry was the winner, everything else was a close second.

 

Sammy had promised us hammocks and naps, and hammock and nap we did! We had a little over an hour until the second half of class started. Ian and I swung in hammocks next to each other overlooking one of Sammy’s (out of season) rice fields. It’s silent. Everyone is sleeping or soaking up the sun. You hear every bird, in the distance or roosting quietly overhead in the hammock huts. It’s so relaxing. I barely even notice when a bird poops in my mouth.

Even Sammy's bathroom is a relaxing oasis:

Wakeup! Tea time! Everyone gets a lemongrass tea. Time to make appetizers and desserts. I learn how to make chicken bites wrapped in some long leaf. Others make spring rolls. A few make papaya salad. Everyone snacks. 

For dessert Ian makes a pumpkin custard and I learn to make mango and sticky rice. Sammy tells me "When you use sticky rice don't touch your hair... but you can touch your friend's hair! Good, good." A couple near us makes bananas and cream and shares it with us. We are in heaven!

It’s 3:30 and time to go home. I am stuffed. We each paid $32 for what would have easily been $100+ with a Groupon in the states. We didn't even have to do the dishes!

Sammy gives everyone a cookbook with all of the day's recipes in it, so now I can cook these things for all of you! Good, good.

Chiang Mai D18: Sunday Walking Market

In Chiang Mai, you can get your GiGi waxed:

Day 18:

Ian wanted to go zip-lining on this trip so I told him to have a great time. As much as I would have liked to be told “Just GO!” for eight hours, I declined to join. Instead, I walked to a Chinese food market.

I thought I was going to the Warorot Market but now that I’m looking at my pictures I definitely never made it to the right place. Instead I was at an authentic Chinese market. It looked like everyone there was legit getting their food for their restaurants and were confused as to why a farang wandered their aisles.

 Curry Pastes & Pineapples

...Face

There are tiny red and green peppers that the Thais cook with that make you cry for mama. I’m learning I have a super high tolerance for spice, so I wanted to see how far this could go. I asked an old woman selling peppers which were the hottest. She didn’t speak English so I pantomimed eating a pepper, panting and dying. She smiled, revealing her last two teeth and pointed at a barrel of chilis. I asked for one, thinking I was getting one of these bags:

I pay $2 and get one of THESE bags:

One Kilo

That was my only purchase. I headed back to the Diva and saw another market being set up. I did not know it was part of the infamous Sunday Walking Market, and since Ian is OVER shopping for trinkets, I took a gander. I bought a dress and three silk scarves for $8! This never gets old.

I also bought a birth control at a pharmacy! I haven’t been on birth control as my insurance in California wouldn’t cover a low-hormone pill. I consulted with a licensed pharmacist here who spoke perfect English and got a comparable bc that is very popular in the UK. No prescription, $4. Come onnnnnnn America.

So Ian comes home to silks, birth control and a big bag of peppers on the bed. He decides not to comment on my purchases (he gets me!) and instead tells me about his day zip-lining. They drove him to the top of a mountain and he zipped his way down. The last line alone was 900 meters long. Cray. The best part was he made two friends from Switzerland and we have plans to grab dinner with them.

Our new Swiss friends are Laura and Beno, a young couple from Lucerne, Switzerland. They both speak great English. So many people here speak English as a second language- it makes me embarrassed that I only know how to say colors in Spanish. 

Beno & Laura (& Ian photo-bombing)

We meet downstairs at Diva and head out to the Sunday Walking Market. This market is actually overwhelming; there are just too many people. The streets are crowded and the people are pushy. There is an uncomfortable amount of retarded or disfigured people singing and dancing for change. 

The lone white man 

 

When the crowd cleared around 11PM we finally took a pic:

The market goes around the entire Old City. I spot all the things I have to have eventually, but there was no need to buy everything right now. We’re with new friends so I’m a little uncomfortable shopping and bargaining in front of them- what if they’re rich? What if haggling is embarrassing in their country? What if I’m the only American they meet this trip and they don’t like me? None of those worries amounted to squat. Laura and Beno were super fun to shop around with. Beno loves sweets as much as Ian does. Instant bond. 

We head to dinner. Laura and Beno are extremely smart and insightful. They know a lot about America and they've taught me so much about Switzerland. (Seriously, Switzerland has SEVEN presidents. Tell me you knew that?) They are our new best friends. We plan to see them again. Maybe they'll appreciate a big bag of peppers.