Bangkok Day 11: Reclining Buddha & Condoms & Cabbages

Day 11- The plan is to meet up with a girlfriend from SDSU who has been traveling for a few months. She says meet at 9, I say 10 is more realistic for me. Ian and I head to her meeting spot: Khao San Road. Khao San Road reminded me much of Phuket- a total hub for international tourists. Everything online suggests it’s a good place to get a cheap hostel and an even better place to get pick-pocketed. Sunburnt skin and dreadlocks are abundant. A man follows Ian down the street offering to make him custom-tailored suit. He holds up a picture of some of his best work: Bradley Cooper in his tux at the Oscars. 

We have breakfast at a bar/restaurant where a few Aussies are already hammered. I text my friend. I Facebook her. No reply. We wait around over an hour and I realized I’ve been stood up. From what I know of her she’s pretty responsible, so I’m assuming she can’t find WiFi to say she’s late or not coming. (Later I find out she meant 10PM!, Do'h!)

We realize we’re about a mile away from the only temple in Bangkok I’m interested in seeing, so we head that way. There are A LOT of temples and I’ve seen a grip of them on previous travels. At some point all the temples start to look the same, and it’s hard for me to support the tourism that surrounds them. I don’t really like paying to get into a church, something just seems wrong about that. I don’t go church-touring in the US. If there is a mega-church or something like the Vatican nearby, then talk to me.

So off we go to Wat Pho, home of the golden reclining Buddha. Tickets are 100Baht ($3) and they come with a complimentary bottle of water. We enter and a lady yells at me “You TOO Sexy!” My, what a compliment. I was wearing a tank top and shorts. I usually carry a light shawl with me, and I know better than to show that much skin at a holy place, but our visit was impromptu. I’m showered with a neon green robe, AKA a scarlet letter for my floozie-ness. 

The temple is OK. The experience is marred by the smelly tourists. It’s obviously been renovated. You can buy little flakes of gold to add to statues. You’re encouraged to put Baht in the jars for good luck. You can donate to sick monks. It’s less subtle than the offering basket at Old Mission Santa Ynez.

Because of the way the Buddha is laying and the massive crowd hogging the good angles, it’s nearly impossible to get a good picture of the front of the guy. 

Ian found a golden nugget laying by Buddha's backside...

Bodhi Tree, "descended from the same Bodhi tree Buddha sat under while awaiting enlightenment"

Signs all over say NO PDA but I think I found some:

Later that night we met up with Kelsey and Kenneth again. I told Kelsey I’d pick the restaurant, so I chose a place called Cabbages and Condoms, suggested by my friend and travel enthusiast Kaylee. Such a great suggestion!

Cabbages and Condoms was hands-down one of the best dining experiences we’ve had in Bangkok. I thought it was going to be gimmicky, but instead it was very tasteful and the food was superb! The courtyard was absolutely gorgeous. At first glance I didn’t even realize the lanterns were made out of condoms. Their tagline: "Our Food is Guaranteed not to Cause Pregnancy” (http://www.pda.or.th/restaurant/)

Ordered on Etsy?

I would encourage anyone who is reading this to read about the man who started Cabbages and Condoms, Mechai Viravaidya. He has been a social activist and politician since the 70s, and is credited with shrinking the average Thai family size from 7 to 1.5. He popularized the use of protection and now his name is synonymous with condoms. In 2007, he won the Bill Gates award for his work in the fight against AIDS. He is THE MAN. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mechai_Viravaidya)

Ian ordered a whole chicken “bathed in wild honey”. Delicious imagery, delicious meal. I had the massaman curry, one of the best curry dishes I’ve ever had. We drank and dined, then had fun with some of the activities on our way out:

 Says: Postbox, to anywhere in the world (including France)

 Kenneth had unprotected sex and got AIDS :(

 Memory Dicks from the Gift Shop

You can even get a free abortion or vasectomy at the clinic next door to the restaurant. Mind = blown.

It was K + K’s last night in Bangkok, so we finished the night by getting a drink at Soi Cowboy, another adult playground. 

"Dollhouse: About 20 Gorgeous Girls, A lot of Ugly Girls and a Few Fat Ones"

Remember, kids:

Bangkok Day 10: Weekend Market & Celebrate Thainess Festival

On day 10 we went to the Chatuchak Weekend Market. It was super easy to get to- the last stop on the BTS. I'd been so good just window shopping at the mega-malls, so here is where I planned to buy some goods.

The Weekend Market has (and this is literal) 15,000 stalls. They have the usual stuff thats vended all over the city, then they have some extraordinary finds. There was a totally useless map that separated the sections into food, clothes, crafts, furniture and the like. Even though there were (and this is not literal) a bajillion stalls we kind of kept going back to the same spots. Apparently we take a lot of right turns. 

Ian is kind of like... not very interested in bargain shopping. I, however, get tickled inside at the thought of the dollar bin at Target. (Literally I just found out Target is liquidating their stores in Canada and I could not be more jealous of my Canadian friends.) I'm just a proud broke bitch.

While you're expected to haggle and negotiate prices, I was already in awe of the low prices and kind of forgot. I got a plain headband for 30 cents, a flowered headband for 60 cents, shorts for $2.20, and a few shirts for $2.20-$2.50. It took everything I had in me (and a few eye-rolls from Ian) to not go apeshit and buy ten of everything. We only escaped spending a few bones because Ian promised we could go back closer to the end of our trip. I should get that in writing.

My favorite part was the furniture area, where huge tables and cabinets were sculpted out of single trees. There were 10 foot tall wooded horses and bejeweled elephant heads. The chandeliers were epic. Everything was a fraction of the price it would have been at home. We will return home with some stuff, but shipping it back now or carting it to other countries doesn't make sense... le sigh.

Some of the other notable items: penis-shaped soaps, arts and crafts (like acrylic paints for $3), new-born pups. (I look at pups, I look at Ian, I look at pups, I get eye-rolled.)

That night we met up with Kelsey, an acquaintance I tangentially knew from an ex-boyfriend in college. She's on her honeymoon with her beau, Kenneth. I wasn't exactly sure if we'd all hit it off since I didn't know Kenneth and hadn't seen Kelsey in 5+ years, but OMG they are so fun! They were staying at the Hotel Sofitel- a total honeymoon-esque splurge spot. We had a few drinks with them before they headed out to a Muay Thai fight. (We later realized it was a total scam- they were sold $125 tickets to watch children fight a half hour away. We knew of the main stadium a block from their hotel, with real men fighting for $50 a ticket.)

This View Though!

We left Hotel Sofitel and headed to the park to see what this Celebrate Thainess Festival was all about. It was EPIC! It was much like a state fair except totally free. There were thousands of people there and a ton of activities.

The festival was laid out by the different regions of Thailand, and each region exhibited what they’re most known for. There were different stages for performances and the dancers and singers were pretty great. We assumed some of the groups were pretty famous because the whole crowd could sing along with their songs. 

How many Ian's can you find? (3)

We walked around and took pictures with the light displays. We signed the Celebrate Thainess banner and got a caricature done. Everything we did was kind of a spectacle because we were the only white people in sight. My favorite part, and this is so ridiculous, was when a bunch of Thai girls came up to me and asked to take pictures with me. I obviously obliged and threw in a few peace signs for irony. They must have recognized me as "generic white girl" on all the skin-whitening creams!

Until next post, Ian & Beyonce:

Bangkok Day 9: Planetarium

Imagine you're in a foreign country and you're trying to do things off the beaten path. Imagine you hear of something as awesome as a planetarium, a movie about space in an air-conditioned theater not too far from where you're staying. You do your homework and find out there's a 10AM show in english. Admission is only $1- you're thinking what a steal.

Flash forward to the admission counter. The lady smiles real big and says "There is no English show! Thai show start at 11!" Big grin. We buy our tickets anyway.

We kill a little time and psych ourselves up for the show. How bad could it be? The planetarium at the Natural History Museum in New York is one of the coolest shows ever, and I truly believe I would still say that if I couldn't hear Whoopie Goldberg's sweet, buttery voice narrating.

It's 11 o'clock and we're ushered into the dome with about 200 seventh graders- not a great start. We are the only white people there. We brace ourselves when we see the outdated projector. I silently remind myself to be optimistic.

The show is an hour long. The first half hour is one picture of the stars on the dome. The most drab presenter ever (think Charlie Brown's teacher but with more coughing) points out constellations with a green arrow. Nothing moved, there was no music. A few pre-teens took pictures of the screen like idiots. The kids talked over the presenter the whole time. It was rough.

Ok showtime! The presenter flips on the video entitled "Back to the Moon for Good", voiced by Tim Allen! I love Tim Allen! He's my favorite cocaine-smuggling success story! Before we could ponder how Tim Allen had learned Thai, we realized he hadn't. The dubbing was subpar. My takeaway was... America won again?

We bolted out of the theater and tried to find a redeeming quality of the science center. Everything was either broken or extremely outdated. The plaques were in bad English. The aquarium had only goldfish and catfish. I stood on a scale to see what I would weigh on every planet, and my first try yielded the Earth weight of 67.31 Kg. That couldn't be right. The second time said 54.52 Kg. I wish! So now I know I weight somewhere between 120 and 150.

 Broken or New?

This is my first big SKIP. I'm quite sure I'd prefer to have my dollar rather than that experience. If only Whoopie had been there to translate...

Bangkok Day 8: Museum of Counterfeit Goods

The Museum of Counterfeit goods (http://www.tilleke.com/firm/community/museum) is an amazing museum that is totally unique and worth visiting! Tours are only available on Mondays at 2PM and Thursdays at 10AM, and you have to schedule at least 24 hours in advance. To be granted access you must email Pinta (the receptionist?) information about yourself (name, citizenship, contact information and profession) then wait for a confirmation. It’s not really cool to say “unemployed vagabond” so Ian and I always say we are actors. In the middle of the tour, our guide said “Pinta tells me you are a comedian” to me. I said nothing about comedy in my request for admission to the tour. These guys do their homework! 

The museum was created by the Tilleke & Gibbons Law Firm, who specializes in intellectual property infringement. It is located on the 26th floor of the Supalai Tower- a commercial building where the law firm exists. Since it is a working building it is definitely not your normal tourist attraction. 

Every single day when we walk out of our hotel we are bombarded by taxi drivers asking us where we need to go. Today was the first day we actually needed a taxi, and not one driver wanted to take us to the museum because it wasn’t a touristy enough route. So reminiscent of NYC cab drivers! When we got closer to the main road (Sukhumvit) we did get a few offers, with bids of around 500 Baht and no one willing to run the meter. We settled at 200 Baht, knowing very well we were still getting ripped off, but figured the extra $3 we were paying would at least get us there on time. (The building called us a cab for the ride home, and the meter totaled 80 Baht.)

When we walked into the foyer, we immediately recognized the other two people taking the tour- they were the rookies from the Taste of Thailand Tour at Prachak! How is Bangkok so small?

The Museum of Counterfeit goods is home to over 4,000 counterfeit or fake items encompassing 14 categories: clothing, footwear, watches and eyewear, accessories, cosmetics and perfumes, drugs, copyrighted works, food and household products, stationary and office supplies, alcohol and cigarettes, automotive parts, tools, electrical devices, and miscellaneous products. The museum tour was free and our tour guide said it will remain so in order to continue to educate the public. 

Today I learned the difference between counterfeit and fake; Counterfeit means an imitation intended to be passed off deceptively as genuine, while fake means anything not genuine. (So counterfeit has an imitation component.) All counterfeits are fakes, not all fakes are counterfeit- Get it?

I figured I’d see the usual Ray-Ban and Gucci knockoffs but I was not expecting to see fake calculators, lightbulbs, motorcycles and even Cheetos (new definition of dangerously cheesy). Some of the items we weren’t allowed to take pictures of because they were either part of a pending case or the companies asked that the knock-offs not be publicized. For example, there were a lot of medicines that were fake but pharmaceutical companies don’t want the public to be alarmed.

I’ve worked in fashion and I consider myself educated enough to spot a fake designer bag or pair of sunnies. Some of the knockoffs were apparent, reading “Overtime” instead of Ovaltine. Others were so good that looking at them side-by-side and seeing the smallest differences in shape or packaging was the only way you could see a difference. Ian is a guitar buff and noticed that the fake Yamaha guitar was in someways better crafted than the real one. In the pictures below, white tags with a "G" are genuine and black tags with an "F" are fake.

Anna Sui Cosmetics

Love that this ink says "genuine" and has copyright information on the packaging.

Counterfeit staples and office supplies

We've all heard the sales pitch that great knock-offs are often made in the same factories as the real thing, and that's why you can have great quality items at black market prices. The guide confirmed this, and this PGA Golf outfit was extra interesting because it was produced by a formerly-licensed manufacturer. They illegally produced what was at one time the legit product. Notice irony in the hat that says "These Guys Are Good."

After the museum we went back to Health Land to get the premium massages- 90 minute aromatherapy couples massage for $30 each. Here I am being adorable:

We parted ways and I went to get a SIM card. I chose DTAC because it seems to have the best coverage in all of Thailand. I paid $15 for one month of unlimited data. Eat that Verizon!