Chiang Mai D18: Sunday Walking Market

In Chiang Mai, you can get your GiGi waxed:

Day 18:

Ian wanted to go zip-lining on this trip so I told him to have a great time. As much as I would have liked to be told “Just GO!” for eight hours, I declined to join. Instead, I walked to a Chinese food market.

I thought I was going to the Warorot Market but now that I’m looking at my pictures I definitely never made it to the right place. Instead I was at an authentic Chinese market. It looked like everyone there was legit getting their food for their restaurants and were confused as to why a farang wandered their aisles.

 Curry Pastes & Pineapples

...Face

There are tiny red and green peppers that the Thais cook with that make you cry for mama. I’m learning I have a super high tolerance for spice, so I wanted to see how far this could go. I asked an old woman selling peppers which were the hottest. She didn’t speak English so I pantomimed eating a pepper, panting and dying. She smiled, revealing her last two teeth and pointed at a barrel of chilis. I asked for one, thinking I was getting one of these bags:

I pay $2 and get one of THESE bags:

One Kilo

That was my only purchase. I headed back to the Diva and saw another market being set up. I did not know it was part of the infamous Sunday Walking Market, and since Ian is OVER shopping for trinkets, I took a gander. I bought a dress and three silk scarves for $8! This never gets old.

I also bought a birth control at a pharmacy! I haven’t been on birth control as my insurance in California wouldn’t cover a low-hormone pill. I consulted with a licensed pharmacist here who spoke perfect English and got a comparable bc that is very popular in the UK. No prescription, $4. Come onnnnnnn America.

So Ian comes home to silks, birth control and a big bag of peppers on the bed. He decides not to comment on my purchases (he gets me!) and instead tells me about his day zip-lining. They drove him to the top of a mountain and he zipped his way down. The last line alone was 900 meters long. Cray. The best part was he made two friends from Switzerland and we have plans to grab dinner with them.

Our new Swiss friends are Laura and Beno, a young couple from Lucerne, Switzerland. They both speak great English. So many people here speak English as a second language- it makes me embarrassed that I only know how to say colors in Spanish. 

Beno & Laura (& Ian photo-bombing)

We meet downstairs at Diva and head out to the Sunday Walking Market. This market is actually overwhelming; there are just too many people. The streets are crowded and the people are pushy. There is an uncomfortable amount of retarded or disfigured people singing and dancing for change. 

The lone white man 

 

When the crowd cleared around 11PM we finally took a pic:

The market goes around the entire Old City. I spot all the things I have to have eventually, but there was no need to buy everything right now. We’re with new friends so I’m a little uncomfortable shopping and bargaining in front of them- what if they’re rich? What if haggling is embarrassing in their country? What if I’m the only American they meet this trip and they don’t like me? None of those worries amounted to squat. Laura and Beno were super fun to shop around with. Beno loves sweets as much as Ian does. Instant bond. 

We head to dinner. Laura and Beno are extremely smart and insightful. They know a lot about America and they've taught me so much about Switzerland. (Seriously, Switzerland has SEVEN presidents. Tell me you knew that?) They are our new best friends. We plan to see them again. Maybe they'll appreciate a big bag of peppers.

Chiang Mai Days 16-17: Kafevino & Lake Trip

We’re staying at the Diva Guesthouse in the old city of Chiang Mai. Ian stayed here three years ago, and upon making reservations the woman emailed Ian saying welcome back and we are excited to see you again- the usual stuff someone in customer service says. When we actually check in the front-desk woman, Jeab sees Ian, gets out of her chair and says “Ian!! Herro! So happy to see you again!!” She recognized him out of all the other white dudes, so that was pretty cool. We're staying in a private room with our own bathroom and balcony for 360 Baht ($12) a night. (http://www.divaguesthouse.com/)

Jeab tells us we’re in phase two of her four-phase plan for guests: 1- initial visit, 2-bring fiancée, 3-come back married, and 4-come back with a kid (she’ll babysit!). Since we’re in phase two “bring fiancée”, it is my job to “go spend all his money now!” ... Jeab just gets it.

We check in and nap for four hours. We eat at the restaurant downstairs, learn a little about Chiang Mai and start planning our week: Saturday motorbiking, Sunday zip-lining, Monday cooking class and Tuesday trekking. Wednesday we’ll bike to Pai for a few days and come back for elephant fun. 

Chiang Mai is a city that totally caters to farangs (what Thai call foreigners). “Chiang Mai” literally translates to “walled city”, named so because it used to be a square-mile city isolated by brick walls and canals. The city has since expanded outside those walls, so the original city is now called the “Old City”. The Old City is 99% guesthouses (hotel/hostels) and restaurants. Everything is in English and everywhere you go there are brochures, brochures, BROCHURES! Your Guesthouse is your personal travel agent and they can book anything and everything for you. The morning is always a parade of vans who drive loops around the Old City picking up Farangs for various adventures. 

It’s Friday night and my uncle recommends we go to his friend’s restaurant for dinner. I get in contact wit her (who I expected to be an old white ex-pat) on Facebook. Her name is May, she’s 28 and she owns Kafevino, an amazing wine-bar in downtown Chiang Mai. We take a tuk-tuk to Kafevino. 

The restaurant is gorgeous, as is May. She’s warm and charming and we eat everything she recommends. It turns out she’s also the head chef, so she personally makes our food. We had spicy seafood spaghetti, chicken and cashews, fish and chips, balsamic-glazed mushrooms… then other things I forgot. (It’s a wine bar, after all.)

We sit outside and chat with May for hours. She used to live in LA but came back to Chiang Mai when her mom got ill. We told her our engagement story and she told me about Thai wedding traditions. My favorite was that every bridesmaid is allowed to ask the groom for one favor, whether it be “shout out that you love Rosie” or for something actually material, like a gold necklace. I am so doing this for our wedding. Ladies, get your requests in.

A few bands perform and they are all amazing. She tells the singer we’re engaged and he dedicates a love song to us. Said singer was a semifinalist on The Voice: Thailand. This is where the night gets hazy for me. (May is showering us with wine and toasting to everything.) We settle up the bill and take a tuk-tuk home. Such a fun night.

Day 17 I woke up pretty hungover. We ate breakfast downstairs and I came back upstairs to throw up. Then I ate again. Thai people aren’t as sensitive/polite in language as we Americans are, and a worker named Plair pointed at my stomach and said “You eat SO MUCH!” 

Hungover and Watching Flies Mate @ Breakfast = Ian's Grumpy Cat Face

We decided not to motorbike the big loop we had planned, but instead we rented bikes to go to a nearby lake. You don’t need a driver license (BTW DID YOU KNOW IT’S A DRIVER <singular> LICENSE?!) to rent a motorbike, which is alarming. There are plenty of pre-teen drivers. Driving in traffic here is not fun, but the highway and rural routes are very pleasant. 

Before heading out to the lake we fill up with gas. I take a picture of Ian pumping- What a man!

A second after I take this picture we hear “Ohh no! Why are you doing that? WHYYY YOU DOOOOO THAT?” A lady is looking around and giggling at us and keeps saying “Noo, why you dooooooo that?!” She’s in a fit of laughter and finally reveals, “That’s diesel!! Why you dooooo that?!”

Errrmahgawd. Ian put diesel in the motorbike that needed regular gas. All the sudden all the employees circle around him and start shaking their heads. They walk the bike to the garage and drain the tank. I hear a group of foreigners go “Did you see what that guy did? He put diesel in the tank!” Ian, for the first time since I’ve known him, was that guy. He was mortified. If I knew more about chemistry maybe I wouldn’t have been so tickled by the whole thing. The fact that the lady kept saying “Why you dooooo that?” was more ridicule than had she just called him an idiot.

We bike towards the lake and the ride is refreshing and serene. I take deep breaths and I feel great peace. Then we bike through a swarm of bees. I think they were bumble bees as we didn’t get stung, we were just pelted from all angles. These insects were the size of golfballs and had serious weight to them. I catch up to Ian and pick part of a bug off his face. Romance!

The lake is beautiful. We try to use a selfie-stick and, wouldn’t you know, it only worked in the store when I bought it. It didn’t take pics on command but would occasionally go off as we wiggled it. These are the best two we got:

There are a bunch of little bamboo platforms around the lake where you can get a meal, so Ian and I sat and had a late lunch. It was quiet and lovely until a big family sat next to us and the kids screamed and they blasted Taylor Swift. 

We stopped at a strawberry stand on the way back:

We got back to our guesthouse, returned the bikes and walked about the city. We had a coke at a Marley-bar. It's rasta-themed and all over the walls travelers write about their dreams for the world. A very peaceful end to our first full day in the walled city.

Day 15: Bangkok to Chiang Mai

Goodbye Bangkok! We will miss you! Kisses! On our way to-- 
Wait, WTF. Train tickets to Chiang Mai are sold out? But we already booked our hotel there. 
Eh, what about tomorrow? No, not tomorrow either? 
A first-class bus you say? VIP? I'm listening...

~~~~~~~~~~

You see, unlike more industrialized countries, Thailand doesn't believe in making any process simple; there's always a middle-man, some negotiating to be done, and you are ALWAYS at risk of being taken advantage of. We consider ourselves travel-saavy and we do our homework. We had already picked out the train we would take and did our research on the different classes. You have not been able to buy your train ticket online since 2013. There is no official word regarding if they’ll ever reinstate online ticketing. The train station is not really near where anyone would be staying, so your only option is to buy your ticket the day-of unless you had another reason to be in that area. Thus, we planned to get our ticket day-of.

We said our final goodbyes to Porn and the Atlanta staff, and took a cab to the train station. The cabbie was ancient and his coughing sounded like he probably had lung cancer. He had a Snoop Dog-style pinky nail, but I know he doesn’t use it for the same thing. The cab itself was decorated with money from international travelers which was pretty freaking rad. There was money from Egypt, Tanzania, Brunei and countries I didn’t know existed. He even had a two-dollar bill from the US and his volume buttons were different coins.

Porn!

Anong! (Employee @ Atlanta for 42 years. She's hilarious and stole my sunglasses)

We arrived at the train station and a woman with an information badge stopped me before entering the complex. She was a legit employee and was actually helpful. She wrote down in Thai what tickets to get at the gate. Ian kept going, well aware that she could be evil and trying to scam me. When I caught up with Ian again I told him not to be so skeptical, this woman had an official badge and was just trying to help. 

That’s when a man intercepted me while walking up to the official ticketing gate and told us the bad news: no train tickets. He said that the only option was to travel by bus. Ian scoffed and continued to the gate where he found out that there really were no more tickets. I told Ian that not everyone is trying to scam us and that that guy has great English and could actually help us buy bus tickets. (I suck.)

Homeboy gave us a good spiel: VIP busses, first-class only. Tourist only, no Thai people. Free dinner. Faster than train anyway. He ushered Ian upstairs where he paid 1,250 Baht/ticket (about $40). We were to meet back at that gate in two hours. 

Over those two hours we killed 100 mosquitoes and dodged a few cats that roamed the station. This chubby little girl sitting in front of us had turned around to face us, sporting an evil eye for about an hour. We kept smiling at her but she kept scowling back. It reminded me of how sometimes dogs only bark at certain races, and I can’t tell if that’s a learned behavior or if people/animals are scared of what they are unfamiliar with. When Ian got up to get a soda, she came up to me and started touching my skin, scowling even harder. I happened to have a fake ring that came free with something, so I gave it to her. She grabbed it and ran. You’re welcome!

Train Station

Station Cat

We met at the designated spot at 7PM. A man from Belgium asked Ian how much he paid for the tickets. We all had paid the same. Sweet. We’re ushered to a small minivan that we will take to the big bus. Interesting. We get to the area where we are to take the big bus and we have to wait another hour. Lame.

Then. Ian. Googled. Indra Tours. The very first result: 

"Posting here to advise people NOT to use Indra tour company (VIP buses). We used them to travel from Bangkok to chiang Mai on a night bus in feb 2013. The bus was not in good condition to begin with, broke down twice and then 8 hours into trip bus crashed, overturned and went on fire. The company were not good to deal with throughout, they never explained what happened or apologised, they did not show concern for our injuries. When we reached our destination eventually they ignored us, would not enter into talks. We would not recommend them at all and would advise people to be very cautious about bus travel In Thailand in general... Bus crashes seem to be quite common.

We originally got Indra tour company because we arrived at Bangkok train station but no tickets left for train so one of the assistants there recommended the bus. There office was based upstairs in Bangkok train station. We have since learned that we were charged three times the normal amount for the ticket from this office. Hope this post will stop someone from going through the same thing!”

Crap! The rest of the reviews sang the same tune: the driver often pulls over to nap for a few hours, the toilets aren’t cleaned between trips, the food is appalling, and crash, crash, crash stories. Furthermore, we read that normal bus tickets should be 550-600 Baht (about $17). Double crap. Triple crap! We’d been duped!

Ian tries to get our money back by saying that I’m violently I’ll, but all the sudden no one speaks English. It’s time to board the bus. Ian tells me to make the call. It was already 8:30PM and we wouldn’t be able to catch another bus from another company. We already paid. I look at the bus and it looks decent. I’m too frugal to pass. (Plus their "no grenade" sign was very reassuring.)

You know that feeling you get when you ride Splash Mountain at Disneyland, right before you go down the big drop? One time my friend Boobs (Erica) and I were stuck at the top of that ride. We were literally the next boat to go over the edge. We were stuck about an hour until the ride operators had to turn on the lights and walk us down. That hour I was so on edge, knowing at any second we could free fall. The bus ride was like that... only for seven hours longer.

The driver was speeding crazy fast on a dinky little highway. The road is not great (paved?) and everyone on the bus silently gasps as we turn corners. Ian mapped out our exit strategy. We knew where the emergency exits were and we were luckily seated by the fire extinguisher.

Halfway through the trip we stop for our free meal. It’s a roadside highway buffet. The meat is of questionable color. The word “vile" comes to mind. The price is free with bus ticket, without it’s about a dollar. How sweet that they threw that in for us! We looked up and down the food options and opted to buy a yogurt instead.

See the buffet to the right? 

Back on the bus. The rest of the ride is just as hair-raising, but we make it to Chiang Mai by the hairs of our chinny chin chin. It’s 5AM and nothing is open until 8AM. I text my sister until my phone dies. We are just happy to be alive.

The day after I read the Chiang Mai news; the same bus, the same route, the same overnight time: one person dies and 16 go to the hospital. The bus driver was going too fast and lost control. 

Moral of the story: if you ever travel from Bangkok to Chiang Mai, avoid all of this and just fly. Upon arrival we found out they have non-stop, one hour flights for $52. 

Bangkok Days 12-14: Wrapping Up B'Kok & Nanta Cooking Show

Tired of getting up early to do things, days 12-14 were spent enjoying food and arranging travel plans. We frequented Porn, who tried to give us a discount on coconuts (the ultimate sign of friendship), but we insisted on paying the full 60 cents. He has a kid in his second year at university after all.

The woman at the front desk at the Atlanta, Pen, told us she noticed we bought coconuts everyday. She had one of the workers cut down two coconuts for us so we could enjoy them fresh off the tree. That is customer service!

We made sure to double-down on snacks, too. Bangkok is one of the best foodie cities in the world, so take advantage of it we did!

We went back to Siam Square, an area that connects a bunch of the mega-malls and where "hi-so" teens hang out. It is considered to be the center of Bangkok. When we walked through it last week we saw a line around the corner for some type of pastry. Ian is to pastries, what the Cookie Monster is to cookies. We had to have. The place was called Croissant Taiyaki and they had plain, custard or red-bean fish-imprinted pastries. Ian chose custard. The line was about 20 people long but moved fast and was absolutely worth the wait. See this face?

Sugar first, dentist next-- I got my teeth cleaned! I’m 26 and only have cheap-o insurance in California. I last had my teeth cleaned about a year ago, so it was time. Three years ago I broke a tooth at breakfast and got it fixed at this clinic, where they even took my insurance (when I had it). The dentist had his Degree in Dentistry from UCLA- I’m not sure any of the dentists I’ve ever been to in the states even had their degree from UCLA. All in all, without insurance this time, my cleaning cost $36. Smile (*Sparkle*). (http://www.bangkoksmiledental.com)

Along with pastries, Ian has a special affinity for pork soup dumplings, and over our time here we’ve hit up a few places looking to be blown away. We went to three places looking for these tasty little balls of heaven, and only one didn’t disappoint: 

The View from our Table 

DTF From Outside Patio

Introducing Din Tai Fung (DTF), the only Michelin-star rated restaurant I’ve ever been to where the whole bill was less than $25. It is also the only Michelin-star rated restaurant we will ever be allowed into wearing tank tops and flip-flops. DTF is on the 5th floor of Central Embassy Mall, one of the nicest malls in Bangkok and a ten minute walk from our hotel. Chanel, Hermes & Dumplings = all class. Also- these toilets:

For our last night, Ian found out about the Nanta Show from googling around. It’s dubbed the “Silent Cooking Show” and we didn’t look too far into it so that we could enjoy the surprise. Apparently this show has been running for 19 years and even had a short stay Off-Broadway in 2004/2005. 

You have to request to reserve tickets ahead of time, and if the seats you chose are available they send you a link to purchase them. I chose the “Standard Seats" and the link comes with payment information on the "VIP Royal Seats". We try again to reserve the Standard Seats. Royal Seats it is! They are great at making the process difficult. We pony up the extra $12 per ticket, making each ticket $27- pretty steep for Thai prices. We figure it is our last night in the city so we can splurge. Tickets say no one will be admitted 10 minutes after showtime.

There is no word for the word “no” in Thai. It takes a while to understand this. You will say “Do you know how to get to the Nanta Theater?” And the cabbie will reply “(stares at middle of your forehead then feigned eureka moment) ...Yes, okay!” Then you will be in the cab for fifteen minutes before he asks you for directions. 

Oh Google Maps, my friend and foe. You tell me 20 minutes, it takes us an hour. I keep watching the estimated time go up as we sit in traffic. But wait! Google suggests a shortcut! I tell the cabbie to take a left and… I just added 20 more minutes to the travel time. Ian tries not to get mad at me, but lets me know that we will never make it. We sit at a 13-MINUTE LONG light. 

The cabbie tells us our best bet is to be dropped off where we were so we could run the rest of the way. Thank goodness I put on deodorant! OH WAIT, I was 20 feet outside our hotel and said “Whoops I forgot to put on deodorant; No running for me tonight!” Ironic.

We run. We run over a mile. I’m in a dress with bright pink lipstick on. This is our fancy date night at the the-ah-tahh and Ian’s pit sweat is starting to show. While running I google the zodiac signs. I will tell them it is my birthday, so maybe they’ll let us in, I’m thinking. We’ll already be wet and pathetic. Here goes nothing!

Google Maps tells us to run around the building instead of directing us to the main entrance. I’m outpacing Ian because his cursing slows him down. We reach the lobby. “Do you have a reservation? Oh, Miss Pelka, right this way.” And just like that, although 25 minutes late, we are ushered to the very front row, in the very center. We are, of course, the only white people. I really try to be a vigilant traveller and give us foreigners a good name, but "GOOOOOGLEEEEE!!" (Said like Superintendent Chalmers' "SKINNNNERRRR!!!")

The tragic entrance aside, the show was absolutely phenomenal. It was mix between Stomp and the Blue Man Group. There were five actors in all, portraying four cooks and their boss. There was drumming, chopping, acrobatics and martial arts. The front row was showered with bits of food and I was hit in the head with a few playpen balls thrown in the audience. It was so silly and well choreographed I give it three thumbs up. 

After the show we got an autographed picture with the cast for $3. They asked "Where are you from?" We reply "Canada," saving American-face in case they saw our untimely arrival.

Picture Take From Our Front Row Seats

Extra pics from Bangkok:

Racist Mural at Terminal 21

 Crotch Shot

We found the snakebite victim with his ding-dong out. Why?

Drooling With a Boner (Propoganda Art)

I call this one "Mother's Day"