Day 15: Bangkok to Chiang Mai

Goodbye Bangkok! We will miss you! Kisses! On our way to-- 
Wait, WTF. Train tickets to Chiang Mai are sold out? But we already booked our hotel there. 
Eh, what about tomorrow? No, not tomorrow either? 
A first-class bus you say? VIP? I'm listening...

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You see, unlike more industrialized countries, Thailand doesn't believe in making any process simple; there's always a middle-man, some negotiating to be done, and you are ALWAYS at risk of being taken advantage of. We consider ourselves travel-saavy and we do our homework. We had already picked out the train we would take and did our research on the different classes. You have not been able to buy your train ticket online since 2013. There is no official word regarding if they’ll ever reinstate online ticketing. The train station is not really near where anyone would be staying, so your only option is to buy your ticket the day-of unless you had another reason to be in that area. Thus, we planned to get our ticket day-of.

We said our final goodbyes to Porn and the Atlanta staff, and took a cab to the train station. The cabbie was ancient and his coughing sounded like he probably had lung cancer. He had a Snoop Dog-style pinky nail, but I know he doesn’t use it for the same thing. The cab itself was decorated with money from international travelers which was pretty freaking rad. There was money from Egypt, Tanzania, Brunei and countries I didn’t know existed. He even had a two-dollar bill from the US and his volume buttons were different coins.

Porn!

Anong! (Employee @ Atlanta for 42 years. She's hilarious and stole my sunglasses)

We arrived at the train station and a woman with an information badge stopped me before entering the complex. She was a legit employee and was actually helpful. She wrote down in Thai what tickets to get at the gate. Ian kept going, well aware that she could be evil and trying to scam me. When I caught up with Ian again I told him not to be so skeptical, this woman had an official badge and was just trying to help. 

That’s when a man intercepted me while walking up to the official ticketing gate and told us the bad news: no train tickets. He said that the only option was to travel by bus. Ian scoffed and continued to the gate where he found out that there really were no more tickets. I told Ian that not everyone is trying to scam us and that that guy has great English and could actually help us buy bus tickets. (I suck.)

Homeboy gave us a good spiel: VIP busses, first-class only. Tourist only, no Thai people. Free dinner. Faster than train anyway. He ushered Ian upstairs where he paid 1,250 Baht/ticket (about $40). We were to meet back at that gate in two hours. 

Over those two hours we killed 100 mosquitoes and dodged a few cats that roamed the station. This chubby little girl sitting in front of us had turned around to face us, sporting an evil eye for about an hour. We kept smiling at her but she kept scowling back. It reminded me of how sometimes dogs only bark at certain races, and I can’t tell if that’s a learned behavior or if people/animals are scared of what they are unfamiliar with. When Ian got up to get a soda, she came up to me and started touching my skin, scowling even harder. I happened to have a fake ring that came free with something, so I gave it to her. She grabbed it and ran. You’re welcome!

Train Station

Station Cat

We met at the designated spot at 7PM. A man from Belgium asked Ian how much he paid for the tickets. We all had paid the same. Sweet. We’re ushered to a small minivan that we will take to the big bus. Interesting. We get to the area where we are to take the big bus and we have to wait another hour. Lame.

Then. Ian. Googled. Indra Tours. The very first result: 

"Posting here to advise people NOT to use Indra tour company (VIP buses). We used them to travel from Bangkok to chiang Mai on a night bus in feb 2013. The bus was not in good condition to begin with, broke down twice and then 8 hours into trip bus crashed, overturned and went on fire. The company were not good to deal with throughout, they never explained what happened or apologised, they did not show concern for our injuries. When we reached our destination eventually they ignored us, would not enter into talks. We would not recommend them at all and would advise people to be very cautious about bus travel In Thailand in general... Bus crashes seem to be quite common.

We originally got Indra tour company because we arrived at Bangkok train station but no tickets left for train so one of the assistants there recommended the bus. There office was based upstairs in Bangkok train station. We have since learned that we were charged three times the normal amount for the ticket from this office. Hope this post will stop someone from going through the same thing!”

Crap! The rest of the reviews sang the same tune: the driver often pulls over to nap for a few hours, the toilets aren’t cleaned between trips, the food is appalling, and crash, crash, crash stories. Furthermore, we read that normal bus tickets should be 550-600 Baht (about $17). Double crap. Triple crap! We’d been duped!

Ian tries to get our money back by saying that I’m violently I’ll, but all the sudden no one speaks English. It’s time to board the bus. Ian tells me to make the call. It was already 8:30PM and we wouldn’t be able to catch another bus from another company. We already paid. I look at the bus and it looks decent. I’m too frugal to pass. (Plus their "no grenade" sign was very reassuring.)

You know that feeling you get when you ride Splash Mountain at Disneyland, right before you go down the big drop? One time my friend Boobs (Erica) and I were stuck at the top of that ride. We were literally the next boat to go over the edge. We were stuck about an hour until the ride operators had to turn on the lights and walk us down. That hour I was so on edge, knowing at any second we could free fall. The bus ride was like that... only for seven hours longer.

The driver was speeding crazy fast on a dinky little highway. The road is not great (paved?) and everyone on the bus silently gasps as we turn corners. Ian mapped out our exit strategy. We knew where the emergency exits were and we were luckily seated by the fire extinguisher.

Halfway through the trip we stop for our free meal. It’s a roadside highway buffet. The meat is of questionable color. The word “vile" comes to mind. The price is free with bus ticket, without it’s about a dollar. How sweet that they threw that in for us! We looked up and down the food options and opted to buy a yogurt instead.

See the buffet to the right? 

Back on the bus. The rest of the ride is just as hair-raising, but we make it to Chiang Mai by the hairs of our chinny chin chin. It’s 5AM and nothing is open until 8AM. I text my sister until my phone dies. We are just happy to be alive.

The day after I read the Chiang Mai news; the same bus, the same route, the same overnight time: one person dies and 16 go to the hospital. The bus driver was going too fast and lost control. 

Moral of the story: if you ever travel from Bangkok to Chiang Mai, avoid all of this and just fly. Upon arrival we found out they have non-stop, one hour flights for $52.