Ubud, Bali D60: Hiking Mount Batur

Mount Batur is an active volcano on the northeast part of Bali. At 5,633 feet, it is one of the highest points on the island and offers epic views from the peak. Because it's typically hot as hell in Bali, the best way to hike the volcano is very early in the morning to catch the sunrise.

"Inspiring!" ... "The best time of our lives!" ... "Pure magic!" read the reviews. See for yourself:

etc., etc.

We wake up at 1:40AM and get ready. At 2AM we meet two Canadians, Adam and Vinay, who will be trekking with us. We go downstairs to see Wayan and he's very cheery for 2AM. I love him!

We drive about an hour and a half to the base of the volcano. It's pitch black for most of the route, and Wayan's headlights shine back from the eyes of dogs wishing to be reincarnated. It's a beautiful clear night, and without any city lights the stars shine especially brightly. As we get close to our destination, we notice the ground is wet, signifying a recent rain.

Hmm, OK. So it may be slippery.

Once at the base of the volcano, a guide is waiting for us. He gives us each a flashlight he calls "your torch", and gives Ian a decidedly hairy eyeball for wearing a t-shirt. He highly recommends Ian rent a jacket from him, and Ian reluctantly does for 50,000RP. 

About one and a half minutes (MAX) into our hike, it starts to rain. Let's see... I heard it would be cold so I'm wearing sweatpants, legwarmers, a thermal long sleeve, a cotton hoodie and my Dakine backpack-- NONE of which are waterproof. What I should have brought (but was left in the comfort of our hotel) was... oh I don't know, a poncho, rain jacket, our waterproof bag... 

I put our cellphones in our bag of granola and hope that keeps them dry.

It's just a drizzle in the beginning. I get steamy-hot from the condensation and the 100% humidity. The jacket Ian rented isn't waterproof; in fact, it's nice absorbent cotton lined with wool, and it's weighing on him. 

About thirty minutes into the trek, the weather goes from a drizzle to a steady, insistent rain. The volcano is steep here (and for the rest of the way). Lunge for the bunz.

Everyone online says this is an easy trek... They're liars or fitness freaks. "Moderate" is a better description. "Difficult when raining" is on-point. We're all fit enough to get up this mountain, but I would not recommend that an older person or pregnant woman try this. "Easy" is a selling point, not an accurate description. Luckily Adam, Vinay, Ian and I are all of similar athletic ability. We don't ever ask to stop and we keep a steady pace, passing other trekkers on the way up. Suckas.

An hour in, the volcano is steepest, and the path we're climbing is sharp, porous, lava rock from an eruption in 1968. The rain is now torrential. 

The next thirty minutes are the worst thirty minutes of hiking I've ever done. The wind has picked up, and without any trees to protect us (since lava destroyed them), we are facing a windchill. It is absolutely pouring from every direction, and now it's completely freezing. To make matters worse, a river of water is making its way down the volcano, through our path. We are ankle deep, slogging against the current and still ascending. 

We see a little tin hut with some people huddled around. We join them under the eaves. The roof provides about one foot of coverage against the rain, but when the wind blows it does nothing. We start to see lightning. We stand there, getting molested by the storm, and the lightning crashes closer.

Ohhhhhhhh, tin and lightningggg. So THIS is how I die in Indonesia!

Our guide tells us we need to keep going. He knows of another hut twenty minutes up. It's either die here or die there, so like... whatever. We proceed. This part is the newest hardest hike of my life. 

We make it to another hut made of corrugated tin and thatch. An old woman who resembles Skeletor walks around the side of the shack. Our guide tells us this is her shop. Shop? "Go inside and have coppee," he says.

You never know what your guardian angel will look like, and on the verge of death, you can't be picky: 

Skeletora lights a fire in a corner - not in a stove or anything, just sort of over there - and heats up some water. The hut can't be bigger than 8ft by 5ft. Though smoke instantly fills the room, the heat does not radiate any farther than right up against the fire. I crouch close to the flames until the skopkeeper tosses in a bunch of plastic bags and I think maybe I'll sit back.

The instant coffee is a godsend. We're all soaked and miserable. We're charged 25,000RP per glass, which is crazy expensive but we could all agree we would have paid $25,000USD at this point.  

An Indonesian girl comes in WAILING. She shivers - loudly - and sits next to me saying "I am not strong. I am so weak. I am not strong. (NOISES.)" Though I 100% agree she is a puss, I tell her she'll be OK and I hug her for warmth.  

We're ahead of schedule so we have an hour to kill before sunrise. We stay inside and just try to keep... living. 

  

I can't feel my hands. Weird, but I figure my body must be in shock. Adam says he's starting to get sleepy, which is Ian's cue to shuffle us all outside. Good ol' EMT Ian then explains to us that we have just been exposed to an unhealthy amount of carbon monoxide from the indoor fire. All of our lips are blue. 

You know what else is blue? The sky. The sun rose and changed the sky from darkness to a monochromatic, opaque light blue. ZERO VISIBILITY. 

WE DID IT?!?

(fake smiles)

Our guide asks if we want to see another lookout point, only an hour farther to trek. The boys try not to laugh in his face as I'm already booking it back down the volcano. 

On the way down our guide shows us there are a few warm spots on the volcano where hot air escapes. Some guides cook eggs in the heat for their trekkers. We warm our hands for a second and head back... I cannot get down this mountain fast enough!

About halfway down Batur we finally have some visibility. With a lot of editing you can see where the lava flow cooled and formed ridges on the mountain:

After the ride back and a warm shower, my lips are still blue. This is 3.5 hours AFTER we had reached the bottom of the volcano: 

So yeah, we almost died from lightning and hypothermia and carbon monoxide poisoning and all, but at least I got this sick pic: